Iris by LELO

August 15, 2008

iris_blue_large.jpgLet me start by saying that I’m a pretty no-nonsense girl when it comes to jacking off: Fancy features like Internet connectivity on sex toys basically serve to annoy and frustrate me. I want to know that the object I choose is going to be simple enough to use, yet stand up to a) rigorous use and b) my elitist snobbery regarding things I put into my vagina.

For years my favorite G-Spot vibe was my trusty Celebrity/Slimline/Orchid G. It’s a ball on a stick, folks, nothing fancy, and yet very consistent in producing some very intense orgasms. So imagine my chagrin when, not only would I burn through vibrator motors every two months or so, batteries were constantly being changed and I started to think of ways to be able to afford my wanking habit. Should I brown bag it? Keep the thermostat at 78 degrees in the summer?

Well, I already do those things, so a rechargeable G-Spot vibe seemed the next most economical solution. So I went to and ordered the Iris vibe by Lelo.

The Iris is, firstly, an attractive vibrator. It looks like a flower coming into bud, and has a lovely curved body, which puts the business tip of the shaft right in contact with my G-Spot tissue. I liked that I didn’t have to fiddle with the placement much: The Iris just slides into my body and stays right where I need it. My version is pale blue and white, and when I charged it for the first time, I left it out on my dresser because it looked so pretty.

It wins points on the snobbery side as well. Iris is non-porous hard plastic, and its insertable shaft is covered by silicone material. No smelly jelly or sticky cyberskin. Smooth, substantial and ergonomic, this is a beautiful piece of machinery. Art meets engineering. Porn meets innovation. Madeline meets Iris. How do you do?

Iris has variable speeds, which I like, since often I like to slow down when I’m about to come, and sometimes the jump from HIGH to LOW leaves me frustrated and confused. There’s an intuitive toggle button in the plastic handle portion of the vibe that adjusts the speed and controls the vibration patterns. It took a little getting used to, but a few minutes into my wank I had it down pat. My favorite pattern for clitoral stimulation is the constant buzz, at varying speeds. Once I inserted it, though, I definitely liked the short bursts vibration pattern, which my sexy assistant Kelly dubbed “Spin Cycle.”

Another feature I love is the dual motors on the Iris. One is up at the tip (makes sense), and the second is right at labia level when the toy is inserted. Finally, I can have labial stimulation without having to use a second or third toy because, frankly, I was running out of hands.

The only issue I had—and it’s a very small issue—is that the little silicone tab on the handle that covers the charging port kept popping up while I was wanking. I’m sure the chance of juices or lube running into the port and frying the inner works is slim; still, I’d prefer if the tab were more secure.

Iris is considered a “high end” toy, being a little on the spendy side. But look: I’ve spent $90.00 on six G-spotters in the past year, none of which lasted longer than two months and all of which required massive quantities of alkaline batteries, putting my annual investment in my G-Spot over $120.00. Put in those terms, if you’re wanting reliable orgasms, this vibrator just makes good financial sense.

The Iris made me come, and it did it well. Not too quickly (it could; I’m just not into that), but easily and with enough variability that I think I’ll have a lot of fun cracking new combinations with it.

And I’ll never resort to stealing batteries from my kids’ walkie-talkies again.

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