Sally Seal

September 14, 2008

Sally Seal

As some of you may or may not know, I am on a quest if you will, a search for the holy grail. And by holy grail, I mean “rabbit style vibrator that actually works with my body and gets me off.” Phew. Anyways, I’ve been on this search since the purchase of my very first sex toy, which was actually, I kid you not, this bright pink piece of…well…yeah Let’s just say it wasn’t the best relationship. My vagina was too tight to insert it (yes yes, we all know I had an incredibly small vagina, and I’ve been working to get it to usable size), so I just turned it around to place the rabbit part against my clit, and then turned the vibrator part on high.

Since then, I’ve tried a variety of vibes; the Waterproof Beaver, which smelled like death and never made it near my vagina, the Red G-Factor, which was the right size, and made it pretty close to fitting right on my clit, but smelled funny, and didn’t have *quite* enough power to get me off, and a smattering of other rabbit style vibes. I am so jealous of all these people who talk about how amazing it feels to have rotating pearls and vibrations all at the same time…which I just stick a dildo in me, Hitachi on my clit, and call it a day. So my quest continues; is there *the* perfect rabbit style vibe out there, at least for me?

This toy, the Sally Seal looked very hopeful. I got the blue one (not pink, of course), and read over the packaging. It’s made by Fun Factory, a cool German (go Deutschland!) company that makes fun looking toys. This kiddo is 100% silicone, which makes it phthalate free (obviously, if I’m going to be putting it in my vagina), and they even sent along a little bit of water-based lube with it, because remember; silicone lube + silcone toy = sad Essin’ Em.

I know people have had trouble opening the battery compartments on Fun Factory toys, but I had no issues. However, inserting the 4 AA batteries was a process; I kept bending the connectors, and just plain couldn’t get them to fit in quite right. Gah. Finally, I got my battery situation all squared away, and took this seal contraption to my room.

Side note: I usually HATE animalesque toys. Loathe them. However, a) I’m on a quest. Personal vendettas must be put aside. b) At least a seal is unique, as compared to the bunny, the butterfly, the dolphin, etc. So it was worth a try. End explanation of my ethics.

I hopped into bed, and experimented. Sally Seal (which kind of reminds me of the song “Little Sally Walker” from back in the day….just saying) is one of Fun Factory’s “Twist n’ Shake” products…ie, the shaft twists inside, and the clitoral part (in this case, Ms. Sally) shakes (vibrates), so there were separate controls for each. The vibrate control was really nice; it packs a good deal of power for 4 AAs. However, my beef is with the “twist” part. Yes, it twists. Yes, it feels good. The problem? It sounds like a bloody forklift moving. I mean, WOW. I love the Hitachi, and it’s pretty loud, but this was distracting. I felt like I was in the Ikea warehouse, or playing some computer game with a joystick that made the similar “whirring” noise. Completely and utterly distracting. So I gave up on that pretty quickly.

The shaft itself is pretty big, but with lube and the vibrator on, I was able to slip it inside. Although it did fit better than some of the toys I tried, it was certainly no cinderella’s glass slipper. I gave it a go for a bit, and it certainly got me warmed up quite nicely, but there was no way in heck it was going to get me off. Maybe if I did what I did in college, and turned it around and rubbed up against the seal from the back, but definitely not as a rabbit style vibe.

Maybe my anatomy is off? Maybe I’m just not meant to feel the amazingness of the rabbit style vibe. Either way, here’s the scoop on Sally Seal. Good material, good company, kinda cute actually, and great seal vibration. It’s just the fit, and the horrendous noise from the “twisting” (even though it felt great) that have me veto this one. I am SURE it will make someone VERY happy – it’s a cool design, and has a nice variety of power settings (maybe stick a couple of pillows over it while using it), but for me, I’d give it a 2, MAYBE a 3 out of 5 stars.

If you want your own Sally Seal, head right on over to VibeReview, and they’ll get you all hooked up. If you get one, I’d like to hear how your experience compared to mine.

And I, weary traveller that I am, I shall continue on my quest to find the rabbit style vibe that is *just right*. You can call me Ms. Perverted Goldilocks.

-Essin’ Em


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