Sally Seal
September 14, 2008
As some of you may or may not know, I am on a quest if you will, a search for the holy grail. And by holy grail, I mean “rabbit style vibrator that actually works with my body and gets me off.” Phew. Anyways, I’ve been on this search since the purchase of my very first sex toy, which was actually, I kid you not, this bright pink piece of…well…yeah Let’s just say it wasn’t the best relationship. My vagina was too tight to insert it (yes yes, we all know I had an incredibly small vagina, and I’ve been working to get it to usable size), so I just turned it around to place the rabbit part against my clit, and then turned the vibrator part on high.
Since then, I’ve tried a variety of vibes; the Waterproof Beaver, which smelled like death and never made it near my vagina, the Red G-Factor, which was the right size, and made it pretty close to fitting right on my clit, but smelled funny, and didn’t have *quite* enough power to get me off, and a smattering of other rabbit style vibes. I am so jealous of all these people who talk about how amazing it feels to have rotating pearls and vibrations all at the same time…which I just stick a dildo in me, Hitachi on my clit, and call it a day. So my quest continues; is there *the* perfect rabbit style vibe out there, at least for me?
This toy, the Sally Seal looked very hopeful. I got the blue one (not pink, of course), and read over the packaging. It’s made by Fun Factory, a cool German (go Deutschland!) company that makes fun looking toys. This kiddo is 100% silicone, which makes it phthalate free (obviously, if I’m going to be putting it in my vagina), and they even sent along a little bit of water-based lube with it, because remember; silicone lube + silcone toy = sad Essin’ Em.
I know people have had trouble opening the battery compartments on Fun Factory toys, but I had no issues. However, inserting the 4 AA batteries was a process; I kept bending the connectors, and just plain couldn’t get them to fit in quite right. Gah. Finally, I got my battery situation all squared away, and took this seal contraption to my room.
Side note: I usually HATE animalesque toys. Loathe them. However, a) I’m on a quest. Personal vendettas must be put aside. b) At least a seal is unique, as compared to the bunny, the butterfly, the dolphin, etc. So it was worth a try. End explanation of my ethics.
I hopped into bed, and experimented. Sally Seal (which kind of reminds me of the song “Little Sally Walker” from back in the day….just saying) is one of Fun Factory’s “Twist n’ Shake” products…ie, the shaft twists inside, and the clitoral part (in this case, Ms. Sally) shakes (vibrates), so there were separate controls for each. The vibrate control was really nice; it packs a good deal of power for 4 AAs. However, my beef is with the “twist” part. Yes, it twists. Yes, it feels good. The problem? It sounds like a bloody forklift moving. I mean, WOW. I love the Hitachi, and it’s pretty loud, but this was distracting. I felt like I was in the Ikea warehouse, or playing some computer game with a joystick that made the similar “whirring” noise. Completely and utterly distracting. So I gave up on that pretty quickly.
The shaft itself is pretty big, but with lube and the vibrator on, I was able to slip it inside. Although it did fit better than some of the toys I tried, it was certainly no cinderella’s glass slipper. I gave it a go for a bit, and it certainly got me warmed up quite nicely, but there was no way in heck it was going to get me off. Maybe if I did what I did in college, and turned it around and rubbed up against the seal from the back, but definitely not as a rabbit style vibe.
Maybe my anatomy is off? Maybe I’m just not meant to feel the amazingness of the rabbit style vibe. Either way, here’s the scoop on Sally Seal. Good material, good company, kinda cute actually, and great seal vibration. It’s just the fit, and the horrendous noise from the “twisting” (even though it felt great) that have me veto this one. I am SURE it will make someone VERY happy - it’s a cool design, and has a nice variety of power settings (maybe stick a couple of pillows over it while using it), but for me, I’d give it a 2, MAYBE a 3 out of 5 stars.
If you want your own Sally Seal, head right on over to VibeReview, and they’ll get you all hooked up. If you get one, I’d like to hear how your experience compared to mine.
And I, weary traveller that I am, I shall continue on my quest to find the rabbit style vibe that is *just right*. You can call me Ms. Perverted Goldilocks.
Taking the SaSi for a Spin
September 9, 2008
I spent the long holiday weekend with a new friend - the SaSi. I’ve been thinking about how exactly I want to write about the SaSi because it truly is like no other toy that I’ve ever tried.The first thing that you should probably know (TMI alert) is that when I use vibrators, I’m generally bringing them in as the sequel to some heavy hand action. I’m generally already pretty turned on and either my hands are getting tired or I’m craving some buzzy goodness.
My experience with the SaSi was completely different. I turned on my SaSi and realized that I needed to experience all of the different movements. I considered starting with my hand as usual but then I thought, ‘what the hell’? and started with the SaSi instead. There I was, reading the manual, pushing buttons and getting totally turned on, little by little. All of a sudden I realized that I recognized that fun little tingle of anticipation - it felt the same as a gently lapping, teasing tongue belonging to a considerate, knowledgeable partner. Whoa. Apparently the SaSi knew what I wanted when I didn’t even know it! I’ve tried way too many sex toys and I’ve never had one make me feel quite this way. I can’t wait to keep playing with the amazing arousal I felt while using the SaSi.
Now that I was rearing to go, I had to figure out how to get my SaSi up to speed. My SaSi didn’t quite get me all the way, but the journey was something entirely new and I have to take my hat off to the SaSi for that. I have some more playing to do but I feel certain that I’ll find that perfect movement for when I need to the teasing to stop and the hard and fast action to begin.
The SaSi differs from other toys in some important ways:
It’s all about the clitoris: The SaSi wasn’t designed for deep penetration or the G-spot. Forget about those and concentrate on that small spot full of nerve endings designed for your pleasure. Just trust me.
The SaSi isn’t for quickies: This is not the toy for your morning orgasm before you rush off to class. How long would your ideal lover take? Give the SaSi that much time.
Lube is a must: Although I always recommend lube, it’s really a necessity with the SaSi. That little ball bearing can get uncomfortable if things are too dry.
Communication is key: Wait, what? Talking to my SaSi? Yes, sort of. In order to have the greatest success possible with your SaSi, you must be a student of Socretes - know thyself. SaSi can help you learn what kinds of stimulation you like but you have to pay attention to your body and how it is responding as you go through each of the SaSi’s motions.
The SaSi can help you have better sex: I’ll be the first to admit that during play with a partner, the SaSi might not be the most effective couple’s toy. However, that doesn’t mean that if you’re partnered you shouldn’t get it. The SaSi can help improve your partner’s cunnilingus skills. If you find a particularly enticing movement, pick up the toy and look at it - then describe that movement to your next partner (or hand them your SaSi). How cool is that?
Other SaSi reviews:
Spin Me
September 7, 2008
When I first took this pure white bottle out of the package, I eyed it cautiously. On one side, it said Jimmy Jane (the company that makes it), and on the other, nothing more than a simple Spin Me. I’m sure you can understand my apprehension towards this mysterious bottle with only two words of instruction written upon in. Spin Me. Remind you of anything?
For me, it was a recall of a certain Alice in a certain Wonderland, coming across a bottle with two words of directions; Drink Me. I felt a little iffy about this game, but was willing to give it a try. I mean, remember what happened to Alice? This could either be very good or very bad.
I opened the cork, and saw that there were slips of instructions inside, but on my honor, I swear I didn’t read them. I place the bottle aside (on my kitchen counter…you know, with my other random toys to be reviewed), and patiently awaited a party to which I could bring this intriguing game. It said it could either be played by couples or in a group, and as I’m currently “non-long term partnered,” I figured a group setting would be best.
That is, until a certain adorable roller girl made her way over to my apartment for caramel apple pop martinis and hot tubbing. Voila - my chance! After we’d changed out of our swimsuits (me in a hot leopard print negligee, if I do say so myself), I brought out the bottle. “Here, this is what I was telling you about” I said as I handed it to her. “Want to play?”
We uncorked the bottle, and she went first. Unfortunately, the first one involved 5 minutes of role-playing complete strangers, and honestly, it wasn’t very fun or sexy. Luckily, the next slip was quite a bit sexier, and involved my lying down next to her on my leopard print LoveSac (yes, my outfit matched my furniture). The game continued on, and some of them were a little salacious (ever had a FREEZING cold ice cube ran all over your body in a semi-platonic setting? YOU try to not get turned on!), some of them silly, and some of them involved me placing a variety of sex toys into the awaiting hands of my blindfolded partner in crime, making her guess what they were (granted, I could have used anything, but sex toys were certainly more fun!).
Now, I could have waiting until I had someone I was having sex with to try this game out, true. But my reasoning was two fold; a) I don’t know how long that might take. It could be forever! and b) Spin the Bottle is meant as a flirtatious game, one that helps introduce people to each other, to begin to get more physical, etc. So what better way to test out the quality of this particular version of the game than by playing it with someone I thought was cute, but hadn’t even kissed? At times, I was hesitant to try some of the things, and chose a different instruction, but once she was gung ho enough to melt a star shaped ice cube all over my body, I figured we were good to go. Verdict on the ice-breaker part of the game (no pun intended): SUCCESS!
Overall, I thought the game was fun, and it did kill a little more than an hour of time. I wish they’d include some blank labels, so that each of us could have made up things to put on them. Also, it really seemed more oriented towards two people (and we actually never participated in the real spinning of the bottle, just handing it back and forth), but perhaps I’ll wait until there is a small house party of people I like and trust, and bring it there. I’ll update you, don’t worry
.As far as a sex toy, I’d give it 2 stars out of 5. I’m pretty certain that unless you’re already having sex with someone, this game isn’t going to get you laid. However, as a GAME, I’d give it 4 stars out of 5. It was fun, flirty, it’s non-intimidating (though I’d much rather it be a black bottle), and I certainly hope to get to make use of it again!
Want your very own Spin Me game by JimmyJane? Head yourself right on over to Babeland, and check it (and all their other sexy game products) out.
As a note of reassurance - I’m still alive and in one piece, with no trippy adventures…just fun memories of a night with a sweet and sassy girl, even though I obeyed the bottle’s instructions.
The Liv Vibrator
September 3, 2008
I love love love Lelo toys. Like <——-> much. No, really.And thank goodness for the Liv, because this fancy schmancy vibe has restored my faith in this amazing company, after a run in with the Lily, which left me a bit unimpressed.I guess the explanation is that I only like the length type toys from this amazing company, because I <3 the Liv almost as much as I am enamored with the Gigi, and let me tell you that says A LOT.I started out a bit hesitant with the Liv, after my run in with Lily. Granted, I’d had it charged up for a while. I took it to the Fetish Party, in case M had wanted to play in public. She didn’t, so it sat in my leopard print travel sex toy bag for a while, sitting and waiting. Finally, I decided it was time; I put it in my travel suitcase, and off I went to go tell the world about the evils of Amendment 48 in Colorado and why they should vote NO on 48. That night, I stayed with Chris. I showed it to her, we oohed and ahhed over it, and then went out for drinks, leaving poor Liv all alone.Never fear; the next night in the hotel, I brought out Liv. Granted, it might have been slightly blasphemous…I was watching the Olympics, and decided that was as good a time as any to give Liv her trial run. But never you mind. I turned her on; I was still hot and bothered from a certain text I’d received the night before, so I was pretty much raring and ready to go.Like the Gigi, the Liv has almost a high pissed whine on the lowest vibration settings that triggers headaches. Luckily, I like my sex toys like I like my women; on full speed, so I raised the power level and was good to go. Also like the Gigi, the Liv has not only variable power settings, but also several different programs that are great for mixing things up, and keeping you from getting bored with this fantastic toy.I started using it on my clit, and yes, it was fabulous. Then I put it inside me, and yes, it was fabulous. It’s a different shape than the Gigi, but it still feels absolutely amazing inside (although I don’t know if anything can ever compete with the shape of the Gigi). However, I’d come to a dilemma. I needed something inside me to come, but I also needed the vibration on my clit. As I was in a hotel, I was sans any of my dildos, but I was so fucking close, and wanted to come so bad. Luckily for me, I’m like a non-homophobic boy scout, and I come prepared (prepared to come?). I popped a condom out of my purse, slid it down the non-spikey end of my hairbrush, and voila - instant dildo, like being 15 again. Plus, the bristles tickling my inner thighs felt pretty fucking amazing. Good thing I came prepared.I teased myself a little with the different programs, and then I just turned it on high, and constant. I came, and I came hard. A few times, I’m not going to lie. And then I washed it off. If was going to share, I’d wipe the silicone part down with a 10% bleach solution.My only beef with this toy is the same one I had with the Gigi - while fucking/being fucked, it’s easy to accidentally hit a button that will change the program, and let me tell you, this is very frustrating.Otherwise, this toy is AMAZING! Like ridiculous. I’d put it one notch below the Gigi, because I like that shape better, but still freaking fabulous. And I like the color (navy blue - much darker than the picture) better than the choices for the Gigi.Easily 5 stars (out of 5), and a high recommendation from me.To get your own Liv (or Gigi, for that matter), head on over to VibeReview and pick up a Lelo for your very own. You won’t regret it, I promise!-Essin’ Em
Shunga Chocolate Body Paint
August 31, 2008
I love chocolate. A lot. In fact, there was many a joke in my grad school program about how my vagina craves and eats chocolate. Ergo, I thought it would be prudent to try something that was chocolate. And sexual. Because let’s just be honest; my life revolves around sex and chocolate.
So this review is about Shunga Chocolate Body Paint. I saw chocolate at Babeland, as a sex thing, and I wanted it.It came in the mail, and as I open the package, I realized there was one problem; I needed to find someone to try it out on. Unlike your dildos and vibes, chocolate body paint is really mean for two people.
I waited. Semi-patiently. And then, the solution presented itself. I had someone, in my apartment, alone, who was really hot, and wasn’t running panicking.
“So, I need to review this chocolate body paint. Would you be willing to take one for the team and help me test it?”As she stood in my kitchen, I held up the glass jar suggestively. When M acquiesced, I looked at her expectantly.
“Where would you like me to paint you?”"Anywhere is fine.” I looked her up and down. She was wearing a long sleeve shirt. Anywhere? Unless I was going to turn her face into my canvass, I had to change the situation a bit.
“Does that shirt come off? And if so, do you need any help with it?”
Shirt unbuttoned, and tossed over a chair, undershirt off and folded, I spun her around in front of me. Right above her sports bra, her back was a blank canvass. Opening the bottle, I attempted to use the wood and foam quill provided. It didn’t work so well, but creative femme that I am, I found a lip liner make-up brush that worked perfectly.
It smelled like chocolate. It even tasted like chocolate (which I wasn’t expecting…faux chocolate is usually pretty gross). It was a little thicker and stickier than something like chocolate syrup, and less creamy than melty chocolate ice cream (un, did I mention that I like chocolate and sex?). It took a little to get used to it, but I was able to use it to create both words and designs on M’s back.
I will say the licking it off part wasn’t quite what I expected. It dried relatively quickly, and was more difficult to lick off than I thought it would be. I’m glad I didn’t do too much of it, because while licks and kisses are sexy, a full fledged tongue bath is not (at least for me). I’d suggest that you don’t use too much of it, or if you want to create a giant masterpiece, I’d plan on a hot and steamy shower together to take care of the stickiness.
I have yet to try it on nipples (either mine or a partner), but I think that’ll be quite fun. Honestly, I’d keep it away from the vulva to prevent yeast infections — sugar + naughty bits = bad plan.
It didn’t tell me anything about storage, so I recapped it and stuck it in the fridge before we continued our conversation in my bedroom.
All in all, 4 stars out of 5. Prettier and less messy than chocolate syrup, lots of fun, and pretty tasty, but not reinventing the wheel.
And what did M think?
Good smell. Good taste. Not messy, which is good, but definitely have a plan for getting it off other than your tongue, if you do a lot (see my note above re: shower). Overall, like a 7 out of 10 maybe.
Ok, folks, there you have it. Want some of your own? Go buy some Shunga Chocolate Body Paint at Babeland.
-Essin’ Em
The Screaming Octopus!
August 28, 2008
You know, I’m not much for the whole tentacle sex thing.
I mean, I dig that there are folks who get off on having their orifices penetrated by real or simulated cephalopods, I’m just not one of them.
The Screaming Octopus from VibeReview might have changed my mind about the use of invertebrates as pervertables. I mean, look at it! It’s so cute! And who can resist a toy with that name? Not me, and that’s why I tried it out last week with Kelly.
The idea is simple enough: a smallish bullet that runs on two watch batteries and is covered in a soft rubber octopus body, complete with eight splaying arms. Press the button on top et voila–a superfast buzz that sounds a bit like a mosquito. The shape of the octopus is perfect for surrounding a nipple, which is what I ended up doing a lot with Kelly while he was jerking off for me.
Another “I’m so glad someone thought of this” feature is the handy strap up top (Not pictured, but it’s there), which allows the user to control where the vibe goes, without touching the motor with his or her fingers, thus keeping the vibrations strong and right where they should be. I dragged that thing across Kelly’s nipples, balls and perineum, and he called it “nice.” This is high praise, since when he totally wants to jump my bones he says he “wouldn’t mind” fucking.
The Screaming Octopus is, as you might expect, waterproof. (Thank goodness, or its little arms would get all shriveled having to stay dry all the time!) Naturally, I took it for a leisurely swim dans le bain later that night.
Me likey.
The Screaming Octopus has, I think, found a home in my shower; to be produced at regular intervals when making out or making looove. The soft rubber is easy to clean, and the hummingbird-fast vibrations are a nice change from deeper, more intense frequencies you’ll find in larger products. This is not an “if you must buy only one vibrator, buy this one” toy; the vibrations are, in my opinion, less than ideal for pure wankage, you can’t put it inside your body, and it’s only got one speed.
But as an accessory? As a nipple/clit/bum stimulator? It’s sweet and lovely and I totally want to give one to all my girlfriends.
Order at VibeReview through November 4 and save 10% with this coupon!
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