The Screaming Octopus!
August 28, 2008
You know, I’m not much for the whole tentacle sex thing.
I mean, I dig that there are folks who get off on having their orifices penetrated by real or simulated cephalopods, I’m just not one of them.
The Screaming Octopus from VibeReview might have changed my mind about the use of invertebrates as pervertables. I mean, look at it! It’s so cute! And who can resist a toy with that name? Not me, and that’s why I tried it out last week with Kelly.
The idea is simple enough: a smallish bullet that runs on two watch batteries and is covered in a soft rubber octopus body, complete with eight splaying arms. Press the button on top et voila–a superfast buzz that sounds a bit like a mosquito. The shape of the octopus is perfect for surrounding a nipple, which is what I ended up doing a lot with Kelly while he was jerking off for me.
Another “I’m so glad someone thought of this” feature is the handy strap up top (Not pictured, but it’s there), which allows the user to control where the vibe goes, without touching the motor with his or her fingers, thus keeping the vibrations strong and right where they should be. I dragged that thing across Kelly’s nipples, balls and perineum, and he called it “nice.” This is high praise, since when he totally wants to jump my bones he says he “wouldn’t mind” fucking.
The Screaming Octopus is, as you might expect, waterproof. (Thank goodness, or its little arms would get all shriveled having to stay dry all the time!) Naturally, I took it for a leisurely swim dans le bain later that night.
Me likey.
The Screaming Octopus has, I think, found a home in my shower; to be produced at regular intervals when making out or making looove. The soft rubber is easy to clean, and the hummingbird-fast vibrations are a nice change from deeper, more intense frequencies you’ll find in larger products. This is not an “if you must buy only one vibrator, buy this one” toy; the vibrations are, in my opinion, less than ideal for pure wankage, you can’t put it inside your body, and it’s only got one speed.
But as an accessory? As a nipple/clit/bum stimulator? It’s sweet and lovely and I totally want to give one to all my girlfriends.
Order at VibeReview through November 4 and save 10% with this coupon!
Rainbow Nights Paddle
August 27, 2008
Spanking is a big part of my sexual repertoire. There is a lot to be said for using your bare hands but sometimes you need something that packs a bit more sting. The Rainbow Nights paddle is an elegant answer to that problem.
The first thing you’ll notice about this paddle is the elegant embroidery and beading. While the adornment is pretty, the workmanship on it was not very high quality. Even directly out the packaging, I found that some of the beads and sequins were already loose. However, it is still a lovely embellishment. The embroidered side also presents some nice opportunities for sensation play as it can be used to caress the skin of your partner and provides some delicious scratchy sensations.
The most important thing to evaluate with an impact implement is how it sits in your hand. The Rainbow Nights paddle is compact and lightweight but it has enough heft to it to feel substantial. It felt comfortable in my hand and was easy to swing.
So how did it feel on the receiving end? Stingy! If you’ve never spanked with a paddle before, you are in for a whole other sensation. Without the feedback of the sting on your own hand, you can hit much harder and the leather backing delivers a great smacking sound. Despite the scratchy beading, turning the paddle over to the velvet decorative side allows for a softer spank.
Overall, I felt that the Rainbow Nights paddle was made out of sturdy material and that it would hold up through many spankings. It has gotten a regular workout at my house this week and doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. This will be a welcome part of my toy bag for a long time.
The Lily
August 26, 2008
I <3 Lelo. A lot. You can imagine my excitement when a lovely box arrived in the mail for me, containing none other than my very own Lelo Lily Vibe. Of course, *mine* was not pink. No, it was black, and we all know how incredibly hot black sex toys are! Now, I’ve had the Gigi vibe by Lelo for almost a year now, and I absotively, posolutely LOVE it.
So you might then be able to understand why I was a little disappointed when the Lily didn’t set off fireworks under the covers.
As with all Lelo products, I charged my lovely Lily first. Score one for being sustainable, and not using batteries! As I waited, I read the instructions. Unlike the Gigi, it didn’t have multiple programs, although there were different levels of vibration. I loved the feeling of the toy; almost velvety. And of course, like all Lelo products, it is completely phthalate free! Hurray!
Once it was good to go, I unplugged it, and snuck into my bedroom, losing my clothing on the way. Hopping into bed, I turned up the toy to the second setting it, letting it work its way down my body to my clit.
Now, just like there are two types of hits in BDSM (stingy and thuddy) and most people have a preference, there are multiple types of vibration, and I don’t just mean “training toys vs the Hitachi Magic Wand“, although sometimes it DOES feel that way. No, I mean there are hummy toys, and whiny toys, and buzzy toys, etc. This toy was kind of whiny. It was louder than my Gigi, and the noise was kind of annoying. More over, rather than deeply vibrate my clit the way I like, it almost felt like it tickled it. I tried it on a variety of different settings; high, low, in the middle (kind of like Golidlocks, but nothing felt “just right”). I fit it between my lips, put on a pair of underwear and walked around (a suggestion made in the instructions, which I actually read), but still, nothing.
Now, this is not to say it wasn’t arousing; it most certainly was. But as someone who loves the humming, high power, weapons grade sex toys? It was incredibly frustrating! After a bit of this, I gave up, putting the Lily to the side, and busting out my good ol’ friend, the Hitachi.
These types of vibes are perfect for some people. If you’re very sensitive, I can only imagine that the Lily Vibe would feel sensational! However, for me, it just didn’t *quite* do it, and it’s a pricey enough vibe that I would have been a bit frustrated, and not just sexually. A similar, but slightly more affordable vibe is the Layaspot (although I don’t think it comes in black, and let me tell you, that was quite the selling point!), which might be worth trying out first.
However, if you KNOW you don’t need a lot of fire power, and you like the lighter, more buzzy vibes, this could be the right toy for you. It’s beautiful, well designed, re-chargable, comes with a satin pouch for travel and a cool box for storage, is phthalate free, and in addition to pretty colors, is also available in BLACK!
To buy your own Lily, or any other vibe, check out VibeReview.com
Neo Love Ring
August 25, 2008
Jay and I tried the Neo Love Ring together in several different configurations over the last few weeks. We talked about it and I thought I would just let you read the chat logs:
Ellie: So, what did you think of that vibrating cock ring?
Jay: Good stuff. It’s already served many purposes.
Ellie: Any that I don’t know about?
Jay: Haha, nope. All of them were your ideas.
Jay: You don’t remember how we used it the first time?
Ellie: Well, yeah, the submissive on the wall in the cock bondage.
Ellie: Did you try it on your balls at all? How did that feel?
Jay: Yeah, we turned it around the second time we used it. It was quite nice.
Ellie: Would it make them numb after awhile or stay good?
Jay: I think a lot of guys are afraid of having vibrating devices on their balls, but it was gentle and nice.
Jay: Ian (and his extra-sensitive scrotum) would approve, I think.
Ellie: Okay, so good for balls, then.
Jay: Yeah, quite good. I love the dual modes on it.
Ellie: that was really good for teasing actually
Ellie: since it would only go on when it was pressed against me it didn’t make me come too fast.
Jay: Yep. I liked that.
Jay: I easily got an extra 10 minutes of sex from you thanks to it 
Ellie: LOL
Ellie: Am I that bad?
Jay: Yes?
Jay: No, it’s okay. The 4 minutes before you come are totally worth it.
Ellie: I don’t think that most people would expect a vibrating cock ring to slow things down for a girl.
Ellie: I guess I’m weird.
Jay: Yeah, well.. I think that was more my plan than the cockring.
Jay: It was just the tool I used to make it happen.
Ellie: If you had it on the constant vibration mode, that would have failed.
Jay: Most likely, yes.
Jay: I mean, it’s pretty strong, but not to the point of numbness, at least not for me.
Ellie: But overall, you enjoyed it?
Jay: Yeah, although the “ring” could be a little tighter.
Ellie: Yeah, those jelly ones aren’t really good at constricting things.
Jay: The ring is just the way it holds onto you, it’s not really a cock-ring. It has ridges inside it to keep from constricting blood flow a bit.
Ellie: So, as a penis attachment, good. As a cock ring, sort of weak?
Jay: Great minds think alike, yeah.
Jay: Yep, definitely a fun toy. Basically turns any functioning penis into a vibrator. How can that be a bad thing?
So, we love the Neo Love Ring. It is good for sex, it is good for masturbation, and it is good for torturing squirming submissives. This is a multitasker in the bedroom and a new favorite for us.
The VibeReview Silver Bullet: My BFF
August 25, 2008
When I’m stressed out, when I don’t want to work too hard, or when straight-up banging with a partner just isn’t quite getting me there, there’s one toy I’ve been reaching for consistently for years: The Silver Bullet.
I’ve gone through several incarnations, from double bullets to cyberskin-coated flicky bullets, to bullets whose controllers glowed in the dark, but one fact has remained: The bullet is one of the least expensive, most sure-fire masturbatory aids I’ve ever had the pleasure of convulsing around.
The design is simple; straightforward. There are no variable pulsation patterns or glowy switches, just a simple bullet connected to a slim plastic controller with an easy-to-work-even-if-you’re-having-issues-focusing heart-shaped slider. The best feature of the Silver Bullet, in my opinion, is the fully adjustable speed. I like not being stuck with one or the other, and the easy, one-handed operation means no fuss when I need a little less buzz.
Use it on its own for a leisurely, cliterrific roll in bed, or pair it with an insertable dong or vibe for fully adjustable, mind-blowing stimulation likely to result in a well-deserved nap.
In my other role as a sex advisor for all my friends and countless others on the innerwebs, I recommend this toy over and again. There are no worries about parts lining up, as some of us have experienced with rabbit-type vibes, and you can use it on girls and boys alike. Technically, you’re not supposed to put it up your butt, but I’ve been known to throw a condom on one and stick it into a boy while I’m blowing him. Two tips: Keep a hold on the condom, and never pull it out by the cord. You don’t want to expose the copper wire that runs into the motor end of the bullet.
At least, um, that’s what I’ve heard. Zing!
Also, since it is so reliable and simple and easy to keep inside a pillowcase, I tend to use this toy for long periods of wanking and I’ve found that I need to switch the bullet from left to right and back to avoid the dreaded Clawhand. You know what I’m talking about.
The Silver Bullet is a pretty universal accoutrement, and as such will get you virtually NO stares (let alone bag searches) at airport security. Just remember to turn the batteries around, or your carry-on might give the dude sitting in front of you the Best. Plane. Ride. Ever.
Get yours here, and save 10% until November 4th!
The Snakebite Kit: Unsung Hero of Sensation Play
August 21, 2008
The name of the game for a lot of sex toys these days is discreetness. As more and more people own sex toys, there are more and more people from whom to hide them: kids, roommates, parents, etc. Nothing fools people more than the snakebite kit.
Imagine that you are hiking in Yellowstone and you get bit by a rattlesnake. We’ve all heard that it’s possible to suck venom out of a bite but say that you’re hiking alone and you don’t have a friend that can help you (or your friend is scared of cooties). Simply open the snakebite kit , find the appropriate size, squeeze and put over the bite. Like a good hikey, the suction in the cup will pull out the venom. It’s easy, small and needs no electricity or fancy tools.
Now imagine that you’re hiking (or anywhere, really) and you want to have some extra sensation in your nipples or clitoris. Simply follow the directions above, squeezing the snakebite kit and placing it where you want the extra sensation to be. Once it’s there, you can tap on it for extra sensation, or just leave it there for a few minutes and let it do its magic. When you take it off, the suction action will have brought a lot of blood the surface of the skin, possibly enlarging the nipples or clitoris and definitely increasing the sensitivity. They work like nipple clamps but instead of a pinching sensation, it’s suction which I like a lot better.
I really love my snakebite kit – it’s so easy to use and can travel with me anywhere I go without raising any eyebrows. If anyone asks, I just say that I’m deathly afraid of snakes.
You can pick up a snakebite kit at any camping/outdoors store, or you can go to any Babeland location and grab one there.
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